She did it! Why can't I?

   In her book, "Confessions of a Scholarship Winner", Kristina Ellis details her journey to earning $500,000 in Scholarship money. She encouraged her readers to view the application process as a job.
   'I like to paint a picture for students, explaining that rather than having to work their way through college making minimum wage, they could spend five hours working on a scholarship application, and if they win $2,500, it’s the equivalent of making $500 per hour!'  
   A job, huh? I wonder what I could earn if I treated earning scholarships as a part-time job? I began to do some research, downloading scholarship apps to my phone. Some I did not qualify for yet, needing to actually be enrolled in school. 
 ScholarshipExpert.com detailed several awards for $1500-5000.  The topics were whimsical and lighthearted.  I hesitated, as the brutal self-criticism started again. Could I really do this? Or would I feel incredibly stupid and rejected when I didn't win? Can I really write well, or are people just being polite when they tell me that? Would the panel laugh at my essay? 
  Oh come off it, already! What did I have to lose? I wasn't going to be publically shamed for trying, while I stood to gain a nice chunk of cash towards my tuition balance. 
    I picked two scholarships from the website, with an awards of $1500 and $1000. "Flavor of the Month" Scholarship required written response (250 words or less) about what ice cream flavor the applicant would be and why. Me as an ice cream flavor? I have been many things, but never ice cream.
 The other, "Make me Laugh" asked for an embarrassing (but hilarious) story. Hmmm. I've had plenty of those.

"Flavor of the Month"

  Fortune teller: "What answers do you seek, my child?"

  Me: "I need to know what flavor of ice cream I am."

  Fortune teller: "No, you want the $1500 scholarship. But since you've already paid....You're a 35 year old chic with a mortgage and a job. You sleep every night with a cat on your head. Sounds fairly ordinary. You're vanilla."

   Me: "But I'm six feet tall and love stilettos."

  Fortune teller: "Yes and they are giving you bunions. But you like intimidating men with your height. Hmmm. Toss in some cocoa powder and make it chocolate. 

  Me: "Does the fact that I'm a veteran count?"

  Fortune teller: Well, you have a bit of toughness, even though you whine about your crow’s feet. You've dyed your hair dark to feel mysterious. I guess we should add some chocolate chips."

  Me: "I love animals."

  Fortune teller: "You stopped traffic on I-35 to rescue two abandoned kittens. You're heart isn't just soft, it's squishy!  Plenty of marshmallows are in order." 

  Me: "Double chocolate chip marshmallow? That's...um... not exactly a flavor."

  Fortune Teller: "You drive way too fast, run in the midday Texas heat and talk to yourself incessantly. That's nuts! You, my dear, are rocky road!"


 "Make me Laugh"

    After my sister's wedding I retuned to the home of one of the bridesmaids and got ready for bed. Outside, I could hear the neighbors chatting in the cool October evening. I showered, toweling off in front of a full length mirror beside the sink. I had recently lost 15 pounds. I turned this way and that, admiring the results.   
   The next morning, I greeted my host as I stepped, bleary-eyed, into the bathroom.
   "Hey! What happened to the mirror beside the sink?"
   She laughed. "That's a window. It has a special UV shield that makes it look reflective at night."
   Oops!

Well, what do you know! Detailing my goofy eccentrities could net me 2500 bucks!