She did it! Why can't I?

   In her book, "Confessions of a Scholarship Winner", Kristina Ellis details her journey to earning $500,000 in Scholarship money. She encouraged her readers to view the application process as a job.
   'I like to paint a picture for students, explaining that rather than having to work their way through college making minimum wage, they could spend five hours working on a scholarship application, and if they win $2,500, it’s the equivalent of making $500 per hour!'  
   A job, huh? I wonder what I could earn if I treated earning scholarships as a part-time job? I began to do some research, downloading scholarship apps to my phone. Some I did not qualify for yet, needing to actually be enrolled in school. 
 ScholarshipExpert.com detailed several awards for $1500-5000.  The topics were whimsical and lighthearted.  I hesitated, as the brutal self-criticism started again. Could I really do this? Or would I feel incredibly stupid and rejected when I didn't win? Can I really write well, or are people just being polite when they tell me that? Would the panel laugh at my essay? 
  Oh come off it, already! What did I have to lose? I wasn't going to be publically shamed for trying, while I stood to gain a nice chunk of cash towards my tuition balance. 
    I picked two scholarships from the website, with an awards of $1500 and $1000. "Flavor of the Month" Scholarship required written response (250 words or less) about what ice cream flavor the applicant would be and why. Me as an ice cream flavor? I have been many things, but never ice cream.
 The other, "Make me Laugh" asked for an embarrassing (but hilarious) story. Hmmm. I've had plenty of those.

"Flavor of the Month"

  Fortune teller: "What answers do you seek, my child?"

  Me: "I need to know what flavor of ice cream I am."

  Fortune teller: "No, you want the $1500 scholarship. But since you've already paid....You're a 35 year old chic with a mortgage and a job. You sleep every night with a cat on your head. Sounds fairly ordinary. You're vanilla."

   Me: "But I'm six feet tall and love stilettos."

  Fortune teller: "Yes and they are giving you bunions. But you like intimidating men with your height. Hmmm. Toss in some cocoa powder and make it chocolate. 

  Me: "Does the fact that I'm a veteran count?"

  Fortune teller: Well, you have a bit of toughness, even though you whine about your crow’s feet. You've dyed your hair dark to feel mysterious. I guess we should add some chocolate chips."

  Me: "I love animals."

  Fortune teller: "You stopped traffic on I-35 to rescue two abandoned kittens. You're heart isn't just soft, it's squishy!  Plenty of marshmallows are in order." 

  Me: "Double chocolate chip marshmallow? That's...um... not exactly a flavor."

  Fortune Teller: "You drive way too fast, run in the midday Texas heat and talk to yourself incessantly. That's nuts! You, my dear, are rocky road!"


 "Make me Laugh"

    After my sister's wedding I retuned to the home of one of the bridesmaids and got ready for bed. Outside, I could hear the neighbors chatting in the cool October evening. I showered, toweling off in front of a full length mirror beside the sink. I had recently lost 15 pounds. I turned this way and that, admiring the results.   
   The next morning, I greeted my host as I stepped, bleary-eyed, into the bathroom.
   "Hey! What happened to the mirror beside the sink?"
   She laughed. "That's a window. It has a special UV shield that makes it look reflective at night."
   Oops!

Well, what do you know! Detailing my goofy eccentrities could net me 2500 bucks!

Debt: A dream killer? Part 2

   I sat running the numbers.  Part-time tuition at Texas A&M School of Law was approximately $25,000 per year.  I would complete the degree in four years for an estimated $100,000.  The GI Bill would cover 40%, leaving me with around $60,000 in addition to books and living expenses. What did that break down to in a monthly budget? 

  Suppose I started school in August 2015, graduating in May 2019.  Since all money had to be paid by graduation, I had 58 months starting June 2014.  That broke down to around $1050 per month.  I had whittled my monthly budget to around $5,500.  That, however, was only making the minimum payments on my pesky credit cards.  I certainly didn't want to maintain my current debt for five years.
   I contacted my bank, USAA Federal Savings.  I had started using USAA during my time in the Air Force. Founded by and designed for military people, I have found them accommodating.
   I inquired about a personal loan to consolidate my credit card balances.  The three credit cards I still had were through USAA.  I explained what I needed, fully expecting to be turned down. Instead I was approved: $30,000, 7.5% interest, seven year term. For the lowest APR, I needed to purchase payment insurance (dropped my interest rate from 8.25 to 7.5%).  My biweekly payment was $243 ($526.50 monthly average).  I had been paying about $720/month in pure interest.
   I turned to my student loans. 

   The Wells Fargo Loan had ballooned with interest(post graduation) from $10,000 to $11,200.  With steady payments, I stood at 10,800 with 11% interest.  

   The Discover student loan stood at $8,486.88 with 10% interest.  I ran the debt calculator to find the necessary payment to eliminate both in 74 months.  Wells Fargo required a payment of $205, while Discover needed $155.00. Eliminating debt in seven years was longer than the five years (or less) I had originally hoped for. My monthly debt payments stood at $886.50.  That number burned me.  So close to what I needed, but it was going to pay for my foolishness. Perhaps I could get a scholarship.
   To be competitive for a law school merit scholarship, good grades and an excellent LSAT score are necessary. My grade point averages, undergraduate and graduate, stood at 3.94 and 3.48, respectively. Back in 2001, I had taken the LSAT on a whim, with little prep, scoring a 158 (77th percentile).  To qualify for at least a partial scholarship from a fourth tier law school (Texas A&M is currently ranked as fourth tier), I would need an LSAT score in the 160's.  

   I began to prepare and decided I needed a bit of extra help.  I looked at my options. Kaplan's LSAT test prep with a one-on-one tutor started at $2600.  PowerScore and Testmasters offered private LSAT telephone tutoring for around $100/hr. I wanted to know expressly who I would be working with, what their qualifications were.  Plus, I honestly couldn't afford $100/hr must less $2600.  

   I found one site, LSAT-Tutoring.com. Peg Tittle, the tutor, had once written LSAT questions. She had taught extensively and authored a book,"Critical Thinking: An Appeal To Reason", that was used in college level courses both in the United States and Canada.  Tutoring rates started at $75/hr, or $60/hr if the student committed to 10+ hours. I decided she was worth a try.
   With Peg, I made significant progress, understanding the test better, gaining speed and accuracy.  As test day neared, I took several timed practice tests, scoring an average of 165 (92nd percentile)  Aside from the general test angst, my LSAT went well.
   With score release in early July, I totaled up what I would needed per month during the school year.  Even with a scholarship it would be difficult to make bills. Expenses had to come down significantly. The largest among them was my mortgage. Should I sell my home? I hated losing the equity that I had in it. What about leasing?
   If I leased my home now, I could put back the extra money for school.  I would then have a bit of a cushion. In the event I was awarded a scholarship, I would need to maintain a certain GPA (usually 3.0+) to keep it.  During the term, if I could hold monthly expenses to $3,000, I would only have to work about 80hrs per month. This option showed promise.  So how does one lease out a home? 

Debt: A dream killer? Part 1

 After one of my patients suffered a bad medication reaction, I was brought before my hospital's nursing peer review board.  I had struggled to manage two difficult ICU patients that night. My charting had been lacking, to put it mildly.   
  The nursing peer review process is simply that, review by your nursing peers.  I was required to appear and explain my actions. After hearing my testimony, the board would vote to decide if it was a minor issue or needed to be reported to the Texas Board of Nurse Examiners (BNE). If reported to the board, an official investigation would be completed.  If negligence or malpractice was apparent, the board may revoke, suspend or restrict the my license.  
  I had done the best I could for my patients that night, my documentation didn't reflect that. I was embarrassed. I was scared- scared of my bully of a nurse manager, scared of what might happen, scared of losing my nursing license.
  After the initial shock had worn off, I took council from my friends.  Some had been nurse managers, another was a nurse and attorney.  The concensus seemed to be that as there had been no harm (patient was discharged with no deficits), nothing serious was likely to happen to me or my license.  
  My nurse-attorney friend, Cecelia, had participated in many peer reviews.  
  "Write out a statement of what happened. Acknowledge what you feel you did wrong and explain what was going on.  State what you should have done differently and what you have learned. It might be a good idea if you took a course in documentation.  It will appear as though you are working to improve. Consider calling anyone who helped you that night as a witness. Also, when you appear before the board, your attitude and demeanor count for a lot.  Don't get defensive. Also, don't change your story." 
  I did just that, taking a twenty four credit hour documentation course. I completed a statement which Cecelia edited.  One the other nurses on duty that night, Byron, agreed to speak on my behalf. He was sympathetic.  
  "You got a sh---y assignment that night.  Nobody could really help you.  We were all drowning ourselves.  I honestly don't think you did anything wrong.  I've seen your work. You're good."    
  The day of the hearing, with it's overwhelming dread, came.  Perhaps the most terrifying was the feeling of being completely alone, without a friend or advocate, trying to defend my livelihood.  Byron was there, but he was seated outside until his testimony was required. 
  It all passed as a blur.  My nurse manager, B, appeared and was asked why she had submitted this incident for peer review.  She mentioned the issue in question and second incident where I had forgotten to complete a drug waste.  She kept repeating herself, seeming oddly defensive. 
 The unit manager, L, testified. Her clothing appeared wrinkled, her hair oily and unkempt. She starting talking about a completely different patient until the board chairman corrected her.  
The nurse I had given morning report to spoke.  M was basically neutral.  She had witnessed the reaction.  
 The chart was reviewed thoroughly.  The patient had not revealed to the admitting nurse all his home medications.  A progress note from his internist informed us he took a large dose of another medication on a regular basis.  A high tolerance of this type of drug may have contributed to the reaction. 
  Byron spoke.  He had cared for the patient in question before and after the incident.  His testimony helped to paint a picture of what I dealt with that night, why I had done what I had. It fit with my statements.  
  The witnesses and I were dismissed as the board prepared to deliberate. 
  I was told the results that afternoon. The board had decided this was a "minor incident", it would not be reported further.
  A few weeks later, I saw one of the members of the review board. We chatted about the event.  
"There was a lot of tension in that room. It's normally not like that." She said.  "You did very well.  You held yourself together and defended your practice.  Basically the only thing that it came down to was that you didn't chart like you should have."
  I knew it then. I wanted to be a lawyer.  That was 2008.  I had put that aside to do what was practical: something that could be worked around a future husband and children.  I loved being a nurse and I find work as a nurse practitioner challenging and rewarding.  However, the desire to pursue a legal education was still with me. 
  It was now 2014 and I was 35.  Was I going to spend my entire life waiting for Mr. Right to appear? Besides, if he every does show, wouldn't the right relationship encompass my dreams and goals? 
 My mother had always been opposed to me pursuing a medical or law degree. Neither fit her version of a proper wife and mother.  Was I going to live life for my mom? Or was this my life?
  I confided my desires to Noel.
  "Hey! I think you'd be awesome. It's your life. I'm glad you're finally making it about you!"
  "What about my debt?" 
  "There's always loans."   
  "I don't want anymore debt. Plus, I'll be almost 40 by the time I'm admitted to the Texas Bar. I have to consider retirement"
   "Well. What options do you have?
   I fell silent thinking.
   "My GI Bill will cover 40%, provided I go to a state school.  Texas A&M bought Texas Wesleyan School of Law.  I could apply to go part time. 
   "Ok, there's a big chunk"
   "That still leaves around $60,000."
   "Are you going to let that stop you? I think you're smart enough to find a way." He was right.  There had to be another way around the mountain.